yeah.
December 23, 2006.
My dearest Diary. Wordpad.
Heyo. I just want to let my feelings out. I'm really happy, but at the same time, I'm hurting inside. Christmas is fast approaching, 2 days left before christmas, and I really can't feel the joy of the season. Maybe because my dad is not here, and you know. That special someone. I know, i know, I shouldn't be blabbering here and wondering when he'll fall for me. Because I know that it's impossible. :P Too much drama eh? But it's true. Just for the "drama over-reacting princess" record, I guess it's more possible for me to reach the moon and reach pluto, touch the stars, and go to Paris than him, falling inlove with me. I haven't told anyone about this hidden feeling, because I know, no one will understand me not even my so-called-bestfriend, and my closest friend. I used to tell my "bestfriend - Guess who?" all of it. All of these feelings because he is the only one who understands me, he's the only one who can call me tanga, and can be true to me without offending me. He can always say "nagpapaloko ka na naman, wag mong papatulan yan etc. etc. " Without hurting my feelings but. a big BUT. I can't confide with him anymore, it seems different, and it seemed like he doesn't care at all. I have no guts to tell him that, because all he cares about is his one-and-only. I'm happy for them, and I almost accepted the fact that everyone changes.. but I miss him. not miss him as in "miss-him-because-me-likey" but, I miss him, because.. I miss just talking about nonsense and corny jokes, I miss just how he laughs so hard without being conscious on how he looks. I miss the exchanging of sms until the wee hours of the evening -- and now, he can't even send me a single text message because he's too busy doing i-don't-know-what. anyway, enough of him. I don't wanna talk about someone who doesn't even care to talk about me, i mean.. To just. Care. stop. dot. period. end. bow.stop.and that really close friend of mine -- actually, she's my twin. haha. Yeah. Yeah. Not my biological twin though. I can't even tell her a word about the "i-still-love-him-i-don't-wanna-move-on" issue of mine. ;P We're okay, really okay. :) haha. i love her to bits, because she has always been there when I needed someone, and I thank her for that. But.. Everytime we talk about this love thingy, we always argue (nothing personal). We're very different persons, and we have lots of opinions that collide (No. Not collide, haha. I mean explode, when they meet. Wahaha. no, the word is different) i mean different. And I don't want her to think that I'm the "drama over-reacting princess" that I am, I don't want her to think that I'm so obsessed with him. (No. I'm not obsessed. Slight, I guess. haha. The truth is -- I drool everytime I see our picture.. and my heartbeat turns skyrocket fast just talking with him. haha. Joking.) Haha. I'M NOT OBSESSED WITH HIM. I PROMISE. She knows all of these stuff. But she doesn't know that it hurts everytime we talk about the moving-on part. Sometimes, when we talk about this, I just want to emote, let my feelings out, and just you know. Be dramatic. haha. Pero batok lang abot ko dun. hmm. So I guess, I'll just have to keep this between you my diary (what my bestfriend used to be, and now.. it is you! you! my beloved wordpad haha.) and me, myself and I. 4 is a crowd. We're enough. :)
Am I inlove? No. I don't think so. Maybe I'm just infatuated. wth. Aminado ako, I'm infatuated. haha. I guess I'm the only person in this whole wide world that can accept and be proud that she's only infatuated. Oh God. Give me a sign, tell me whether I'm in love or not. Pls. Tell me.. Pls. I never failed to remind myself that I should move on, because, this.. really hurts. I kept on hiding in this mask, pretending that I don't like-scratchthat-love him anymore, but the truth is.. I love him. I really love him. I really really love him. I don't want to let go ( Let's just pretend that his mine.yeah.), I don't want to fall out of love. though I know, that I can control what I feel for him, because it's all in the brain.haha. According to Science. Wth.I really don't know. I'm confused. I just want to keep on loving him.. I'm happy.. I'm happy even if it hurts. and I just want to keep on loving him, I just want to keep on hurting and wait.. 'till it hurts no more..
P.S. And now,my dear diary, I guess I turned into that beautiful butterfly. Out of this cocoon. Out of this darkness.. Now I'm free. Not because I had already fallen out of love.. Because I learned how to love, I learned how to give without taking something in return, I learned how to accept a person even with all those flaws and imperfections, and I’m happy.. Because I know that I have loved someone.
Lovelots,
I.
My dearest Diary. Wordpad.
Heyo. I just want to let my feelings out. I'm really happy, but at the same time, I'm hurting inside. Christmas is fast approaching, 2 days left before christmas, and I really can't feel the joy of the season. Maybe because my dad is not here, and you know. That special someone. I know, i know, I shouldn't be blabbering here and wondering when he'll fall for me. Because I know that it's impossible. :P Too much drama eh? But it's true. Just for the "drama over-reacting princess" record, I guess it's more possible for me to reach the moon and reach pluto, touch the stars, and go to Paris than him, falling inlove with me. I haven't told anyone about this hidden feeling, because I know, no one will understand me not even my so-called-bestfriend, and my closest friend. I used to tell my "bestfriend - Guess who?" all of it. All of these feelings because he is the only one who understands me, he's the only one who can call me tanga, and can be true to me without offending me. He can always say "nagpapaloko ka na naman, wag mong papatulan yan etc. etc. " Without hurting my feelings but. a big BUT. I can't confide with him anymore, it seems different, and it seemed like he doesn't care at all. I have no guts to tell him that, because all he cares about is his one-and-only. I'm happy for them, and I almost accepted the fact that everyone changes.. but I miss him. not miss him as in "miss-him-because-me-likey" but, I miss him, because.. I miss just talking about nonsense and corny jokes, I miss just how he laughs so hard without being conscious on how he looks. I miss the exchanging of sms until the wee hours of the evening -- and now, he can't even send me a single text message because he's too busy doing i-don't-know-what. anyway, enough of him. I don't wanna talk about someone who doesn't even care to talk about me, i mean.. To just. Care. stop. dot. period. end. bow.stop.and that really close friend of mine -- actually, she's my twin. haha. Yeah. Yeah. Not my biological twin though. I can't even tell her a word about the "i-still-love-him-i-don't-wanna-move-on" issue of mine. ;P We're okay, really okay. :) haha. i love her to bits, because she has always been there when I needed someone, and I thank her for that. But.. Everytime we talk about this love thingy, we always argue (nothing personal). We're very different persons, and we have lots of opinions that collide (No. Not collide, haha. I mean explode, when they meet. Wahaha. no, the word is different) i mean different. And I don't want her to think that I'm the "drama over-reacting princess" that I am, I don't want her to think that I'm so obsessed with him. (No. I'm not obsessed. Slight, I guess. haha. The truth is -- I drool everytime I see our picture.. and my heartbeat turns skyrocket fast just talking with him. haha. Joking.) Haha. I'M NOT OBSESSED WITH HIM. I PROMISE. She knows all of these stuff. But she doesn't know that it hurts everytime we talk about the moving-on part. Sometimes, when we talk about this, I just want to emote, let my feelings out, and just you know. Be dramatic. haha. Pero batok lang abot ko dun. hmm. So I guess, I'll just have to keep this between you my diary (what my bestfriend used to be, and now.. it is you! you! my beloved wordpad haha.) and me, myself and I. 4 is a crowd. We're enough. :)
Am I inlove? No. I don't think so. Maybe I'm just infatuated. wth. Aminado ako, I'm infatuated. haha. I guess I'm the only person in this whole wide world that can accept and be proud that she's only infatuated. Oh God. Give me a sign, tell me whether I'm in love or not. Pls. Tell me.. Pls. I never failed to remind myself that I should move on, because, this.. really hurts. I kept on hiding in this mask, pretending that I don't like-scratchthat-love him anymore, but the truth is.. I love him. I really love him. I really really love him. I don't want to let go ( Let's just pretend that his mine.yeah.), I don't want to fall out of love. though I know, that I can control what I feel for him, because it's all in the brain.haha. According to Science. Wth.I really don't know. I'm confused. I just want to keep on loving him.. I'm happy.. I'm happy even if it hurts. and I just want to keep on loving him, I just want to keep on hurting and wait.. 'till it hurts no more..
P.S. And now,my dear diary, I guess I turned into that beautiful butterfly. Out of this cocoon. Out of this darkness.. Now I'm free. Not because I had already fallen out of love.. Because I learned how to love, I learned how to give without taking something in return, I learned how to accept a person even with all those flaws and imperfections, and I’m happy.. Because I know that I have loved someone.
Lovelots,
I.
posted by preensesa Thea at
3:58 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home